Off Duty
by StylusDez
Summary: What happens when Cloud and company run into the Turks at Wutai when their materia is stolen, drinking and mutiny of course! Cid decides to have a few with the Turks and what unfolds is a story filled with boozer and laughter. Please R&R, Rated R, Lang.
1. Off Duty

Off Duty

Cloud, Tifa, and Cid entered the restaurant carefully looking around. The place was nice and large, with a festive atmosphere as people were happily getting drunk and singing karaoke. Cloud scanned the room looking for anything that remotely looked like Yuffie. I can't believe she stole our materia! How the hell can she carry it all too! Damn it, we were hot on Sephiroth's trail too. I can't believe this, at this rate we will never catch him. Alright, clam down, just look around.

"Alright lets look around," commanded Cloud.

"How about we have a drink," said Cid as he saw a hot blond woman sit at the bar. Entranced Cid followed his hormones as they gave him the command to move forward. Before he could run into a full out sprint and drop the line 'Yo babe, I'm a pilot' Cloud grabbed the back of his shirt.

"Damnit you blond piece of shit! What the hell you cock blocking me for! I saw her first, respect your elders ya shit!"

"Cid we aren't here for that! We have to find Yuffie so we can get our materia, so we can then go find the Temple of the Ancients."

"Oh come on Cloud, one lousy drink, or a couple for that matter won't hurt. So what if our materia is gone. That is not our priority now."

"Oh yeah what is it?"

Cid made sure that Tifa was out of earshot and then whispered, "Poontang dumbass! That is always a priority mission! Where the hell are your balls!"

"My God Cid, picturing you getting any wants to make me vomit! We have to get Sephiroth before he gets away!" Cloud said almost shouting.

"Look, I'm sure Sephiroth is trying to get laid too, so we should follow his lead and try to do the same, all this damn chasing is making me sick. We are in a damn resort town! Lets make the best of it!"

"No! We have to find Yuffie so we can find Sephiroth!"

"Calm down SOILDER boy, Yuffie is stuck in this town, so we should try and fool her and think that we don't care, reverse psychology! It'll work, damn I'm a genius." Too bad I really don't care. Jeeze ever since I joined up with this crew, it has been nothing but lets go here, Sephiroth is there. Damn, how can a guy get a break here? We are gonna burn out at this rate.

"What the hell are you talking about! Come on we are lea…" Then Cloud suddenly went white for a second as he saw the occupants of the table in front of them. Cid looked puzzled and then looked around his shoulders and saw a bunch of suits sitting at the round table. There was a huge black man, some other guy, and a pretty cute blond there. What the hell are they, insurance agents? Why the hell would Cloud be scared of insurance agents.

"Hey Cloud, who the hell are they? They insurance salesmen? If they are, you outta insure your balls because you keep losing them!" Cloud kept looking forward, unfazed by Cid's insult. What the hell is wrong with this kid? He just got burned! If Barret was here he would be laughing his ass off!

"They are the Turks."

"Turks!? What the hell does that mean, is that short for turkey or something? Are they from Turkey?"

"No you dumbass! They are…"

Suddenly the blond woman jumped out of her seat and pointed straight at Cloud. Damn! Cloud suddenly went to a fighting stance and his hand sought after his sword behind him. He saw out of the corner of his eye Tifa running up to his side to give him backup. He then looked at Cid stupidly staring at Elena's chest, damnit! Why the hell did I ask this perverted old man to join us. Man…Cid is stuck in perv land, we have no materia, and we are in a confined space. This doesn't look good.

"Yy, you!? How did you get here...?" shouted Elena shakily. She gained control over her fear and continued, "Never mind that. I guess it's fate that brought us together. Get ready to die!" She immediately went into a fighting stance and began to charge after Cloud. Cloud was about to slash his sword out when he heard Reno say something that made both Elena and himself stop dead in their tracks.

"Elena…You talk too much."

"Ww, what?"

"What are we doin here in the middle of nowhere?" Reno said as if he was talking to a child.

"We are taking our vacation and resting up from our work."

"Now our vacation is ruined."

"…sorry…" Elena whispered as she slumped back into her chair, feeling depressed that she once again disappointed Reno, whom she has been trying to impress for weeks now. Cloud was completely stunned. He still had his hand on the sword hilt as his mind began to think this was some sort of trap. Tifa was also nervous as she looked with confusion at the scene. Cid was trying to see if that blond was still at the counter. He was glad that he didn't have to fight these guys, he didn't even know who they were. He noticed Cloud's confused look and hit him on the shoulder.

"Hey, we gonna drink or what. I say we join these guys on vacation."

"I don't understand it…why didn't they attack us? Aren't they the enemy, aren't we their enemy?"

"Hey, don't get philosophical on this, they're just on vacation, it's as simple as that. You'll just have to wait for them to kick your ass another day. How about we order a round huh?"

"I just don't get it?" Cloud looked over at Tifa for an answer.

"I don't either Cloud? I mean, isn't it their mission to kill us?" They both looked puzzled at the table that was now full of commotion again. Reno had ordered another round, while Rude sipped his drink and compassionately put his hand on Elena's shoulder. Elena smiled and continued to drink as they continued their card game, completely ignoring Cloud and his group. It was as if they weren't even there. Over the ruckus of the bar, Cloud heard Reno say, "Drink Rude! How long have we been a team? There have been hard times being a Turk, but all in all, I'm glad I did it. I even got to meet a bunch of wing nuts like you!"

Reno and Elena beamed in unison and raised their glasses. "To the Turks…To Reno…cheers!" They tapped each others glasses and proceed to down the booze inside it. After they finish their chugs in a drunkenly fashion, they gave a cheer and laughed together. Cloud looked at them in wonderment and felt a daze come over him. All of a sudden he was strangely jealous of them and very confused. He walked over to the table in a trance, determined to find out why they won't fight him.

"Cloud! What are you doing?!" Tifa yells at him but it is no use. Cloud walks over to the table and stands there looking at Reno. Reno tries to ignore him, but soon his presence is too close to him to be ignored and he turns around in his chair coolly and lowers his sunglasses revealing his eyes.

"Why didn't you attack us?" Cloud asked plainly.

"Look, you are making me sober, so go piss off will you."

"Hmm, you're lucky all right. Now get out of my sight! The next time we meet I won't be so nice," said Elena. Cloud still stood there waiting for an answer. Reno was visibly getting more annoyed and hissed, "I don't want to drink with you so get the fu…" but before he could finish, Cid sat down at the table loudly and said, "Yeah but I wanna drink, and no body doesn't want to drink with the captain. The next round is on me! So you guys are the Turks huh? You guys from Turkey or something? I'm from Rocket Town myself, the name is Cid," Cid cheerily said as he winked at Elena. Elena coughed and gagged as she saw him wink at her. Who does this old man think he is?

Reno was wondering the same thing. He had never seen him with Cloud and the others before. He must be a new member. Shirna Intelligence is really getting lazy on these guys. He contemplated kicking him out, but he offered to buy a round, and you can't say no to that.

"Sure, old man. Get me a Scotch on the rocks."

"Now that is what I'm talking about! I have been waiting for this ball less wonder to say something like that, but I guess I have to jump the gun and do it myself! Yo! Get my new friends here a scotch on the rocks, in fact make that a double, and another round of Sake, plus some of these beer nuts too! Thanks doll, and this blond guy will pick up the bill."

"Cid you bastard! Don't you remember why we are here! We need to go!"

"Well then go already, you have the PHS. Phone in the rest of the crew, you don't need me."

"FINE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA DO DAMN IT!" Cloud screamed enraged. Tifa took his arm and took him outside scared that he might do something rash. Cloud called up the rest of the team with the PHS and told them of their situation. Soon all of them were gathered outside the Turtle Inn.

"Alright, it'll be me, Tifa, and Barret. Aeris, you take Vincent, Red 13, and Cait Sith. If we split up we should be able to find her faster." There was apprehension in the group as everyone hesitated to move. Cloud looked around annoyed and waited to hear someone say something. Barret was the first to speak.

"Yo, Cloud, Cid has a good point. I been bustin my ass tryin to catch that fool Sephiroth for months now. Wid out rest too, maybe we should take a rest."

"Am I the only one that thinks that our mission is important! And we need materia to do that mission don't we! So what the hell is the hold up!"

"I am curious to see the Temple of the Ancients," said Aeris. "But Barret does have a point Cloud. We need to rest."

"Fine! You guys can go and drink and screw around while Sephiroth gets farther and farther away. Me and Tifa are going to look for Yuffie, right Tifa?" Tifa didn't want to argue with Cloud. She only wanted to keep him calm and not make him upset. She agreed with the rest of the group, but she didn't want to leave him out in the cold alone. So she slowly nodded her head. "Good, who else is coming?"

"Awright Cloud, we'll go," Barret said reluctantly, knowing that Cloud was the leader. If you don't obey a leader, what is the point of having one anyway? They split up and went looking for Yuffie in the distant town of Wutai.


	2. Getting Plastered

Ch. 2 Getting Plastered

Meanwhile Cid was getting plastered. The fiery brown liquor raced down Cid's throat making his thoughts hazy and confidence grow as he tried to hit on Elena. "So they drink a lot in Turkey? The Turks huh? Yeah I'm a pilot. One of the fucking best, and anyone who says different is a fucking liar!" He turned sluggishly toward Elena and tried to look cool, but his moves were about a decade old. "Hey babe, did I tell you I'm a pilot?"

"Yeh, several times," said Elena deadpan. I'm drinking, but I will never be that drunk! Reno was laughing at Cid's pathetic attempts and at his drunken behavior. He was also getting steadily drunk and in a friendly mode. This guy ain't so bad. Hell as long as he is paying for the drinks and isn't pissing me off, I'm alright with it. Plus Rude hasn't kicked his ass yet for hitting on Elena so he must like him too.

"Yeh old man, we know you're a damn pilot, so why did you join up with Cloud?"

Cid pulled out a cigarette and lit it subconsciously. In between puffs he muttered, "I dunno, sometimes I wonder myself, shit I've only been with them for a couple of weeks. I guess I joined because…" Just then some Shirina soldiers busted into the place. Cid was too plastered to do anything about it, so he just slumped down and continued to drink. He tried not to look around and look suspicious. Shit! Here he comes, is every fucking person in this city trying to ruin my day!

"So our reports were right! He IS here on vacation!" We've finally found him! Get the Turks here for back-up!" exclaimed the lead soldier.

Reno looked up pissed. He lowered his glasses in his usually cool motion and said angrily, "What a drag…" The soldiers were all taken back a little by his sudden change in his mood. They expected him to jump up immediately. They were the Turks, the elite weren't they? "Ww what was that..?" said the soldier nervously completely aware of Reno's rank in the corporation.

"Right now we're off duty and can't run off to save your butts"

"We know you're off duty, but…"

"If you knew that, then don't bother us! Lookin' at you is makin' me sober."

"But you all have orders from headquarters to look for him too!" said the soldier desperately. They were all utterly confused on why Reno was not taking any actions. They looked on nervously hoping that he would rise up seeing his duty, but Reno did not budge from his seat. The lead soldier looked very annoyed and burst out quickly and timidly, "All right, that's it! We'll get him without any help from the Turks, just you see! And don't think that headquarters isn't going to hear about this!!"

"Yeah leave! There isn't anyone from Cloud's group here anyways so there is no reason to be here," Cid said awkwardly.

'Like I give a shit,' Reno thought as he downed another gulp of his scotch to dull his irritation. He looked up at the table. Rude was stoic as usual, Cid was flicking off the soldiers as they exited the bar, and Elena had a very worried look on her face. Oh great, she is going to say something like 'was that alright to do that?' Man, she has got a lot to learn about being a Turk.

On cue Elena asked meekly, "Reno, do you think that was really such a good idea!? I mean is that the way a professional, a Turk would act!?"

"Elena. Don't misunderstand. A pro isn't someone who sacrifices himself for his job. That's just a fool." Elena was confused and didn't understand what Reno was saying to her. She knew, or thought she knew, exactly what a professional was. And attention to duty was important. She was still afraid and looked to Rude for support.

"Rude...?" she asked quietly. Rude had no expression as he looked at her blankly. She looked around the table back at Reno and saw an equally blank look. Then she looked at Cid and saw him give her another wink and an imaginary kiss. That's it! I'm outta here!

"Well, I don't buy that! Goodbye!!" She then got up harshly and ran out of the door after the soldiers. Rude looked troubled as his eyes trailed after her. Cid was devastated. 'Man, I was all over that! I coulda had a piece of that! What the hell!' he thought convinced that she was playing hard to get. Man maybe I should go after her and agree about all that professional stuff she was talking about. Chicks love it when you agree with them! I don't remember it though, I wasn't paying attention, aww fuck it! Maybe that blond at the bar is still there.

As Cid was looking, Reno noticed Rude's concerned look. "Relax. She's not a child. Let her have her way now…" Rude kept looking out the door, but then started to drink again.

"Women heh? Yeah I know this bitch named Shera always giving me this righteous garbage. You need to act professional! Nag nag nag bitch some shit about stop smoking! Then she nagged some more about me drinking! Damn bitch! I only drank every other day, what the hell does she want from me. I always said to her , listen winch! I'm a pilot! I don't need this crap. Shit I always needed a cig when I was around. Oh! That reminds me!" Cid exclaimed as he pulled another cigarette from his pack and began to puff at it with leisure. "Always busting my balls."

"Yeh, she is always busting ours about shit too. Always saying that our boss wouldn't approve what you are doing! Blah blah, I don't think Turks would do that. Hell, I only broke the guys hand, he's go two for criss sake."

"Yeh, damn winches. Yeah here's to our balls. May they survive all the busting and breakings!" Cid said as the waitress brought a fresh batch of liquor to the table.

"Ha! I'll drink to that!" The three men raised their shot glass and yelled in unison, "To our balls!" and downed the liquor in an equally gleeful manner. Time progressed and as the group got more and more shots thrusted down their throats, more and more odd toasts began to brew from the table, many of them turning heads from other tables. "Here is to masturbation!" exclaimed Cid.

"To masturbation!" said the group together. A man from another table looked over and gave the group a disgusted look. "What the hell you looking at, you know you do it too! You wanna piece of me. Yeah that's what I thought. Hell what should we toast to next, damn I'm getting drunk, but not that much, you know that it would take another gallon to get me wasted. You know these guns absorb most of the booze," Cid said as he flexed. Reno and Rude just smirked at the old man, liking him a lot.

"How about to Cid?" asked Reno.

"Yeh that's a fucking fantastic idea, to Cid!"

"The chain smoking, old man, to Cid!"

"Hey, I can quit when ever I want you bastard," Cid as he lit another cigarette. His ashtray was full and yelled, "Hey winch! Get me another ashtray!"

"I'm sorry sir we have to wash the other eight that you filled up, it will be another moment," the waitress said very annoyed.

"Another ball breaker. Shit, I think I'm fucked up. So what is up with Elena anyway. Why she uhh what did she do again?"

"She is always like that. She is trying to impress our boss, who she likes," Reno said.

"Yeh, we got a girl like that, Tifa. She likes Cloud and boy does she show it, but Cloud is too much of a numb nuts to notice." Just then Rude looked up from his drink very attentive when Tifa was mentioned.

"So does Rude," said Reno nonchalantly. Reno looked a little flushed but remained silent.

"No shit, but who wouldn't, I mean what a bodacious set of ta-tas. I mean they are huge! I mean…well are they real? I'm gonna find out one day. If that is the last thing I do, I'll be happy."

"How are you gonna find out old man, you don't have a chance."

"Sure I do ass. More then you. You are the enemy, and I am the ally," he said pointing to himself with his chest out like a super hero.

"Ever heard of sleeping with the enemy?"

"Damn. You have a point. But she is too in love with me to go with you dush bags. She just hadn't come around to noticing it. Mr. Hot shit is on her brain. Here's to Cloud."

"Yeah, fuck Cloud!" they toasted together.

"Even Aerith likes him, what he's got that I don't? Nothing! That's what. I'm a pilot, girls should be all over me. Hey babe, I'm a pilot. Works like a charm!"

"Really I'm sure," said Reno chuckling. "Maybe that would work for us, hey babe, I'm a Turk," he continued in a mocking manner, puffing an imaginary cigarette and wearing a ridiculous smile.

"Then she would say, ewww I don't date anyone from Turkey, besides I heard they are all gay."

"We aren't from Turkey you dumb ass!"

"Then why the fuck are you named the Turks! Tell me that Turkey boy!"

"Who gives a shit! Just shut up and drink old man."

More and more drinks were ordered and the bill grew larger and larger. The bar was beginning to thin out and the owner was happy that he was getting so much business from their table. In fact, it was more then all the other tables in the place combined. It had been several hours since Cloud left and soon the group began swooping jokes back and forth in between drinks.

"So a rich man and a poor man are talking about what they got their wives for their anniversaries. The rich man said 'I got her a Caddy and a Diamond ring. So if she doesn't like the ring she can drive the Caddy back to return it.' The poor man said, 'I got my wife a pair of socks and a dildo. So if she doesn't like the socks she can go fuck herself!'" The group roared in drunken laughter. Reno was almost in tears and Rude was shacking his head wearing a huge grin.

"That is some funny shit," said Rude.

"Holy shit! He spoke! Hot damn!" shouted Cid. "Shit this calls for another toast. To Rude saying a fucking word!" Just then Cloud and company comes into the bar. 

"Hey good thing you are here, you need to pay our tab, I'm kind of short on gil here."

"Cid, get your drunk ass up we found Yuffie," said Cloud hastily.

"So what the hell is the problem an I ain't dunk, I'm as sober as a ….sober guy." Cloud told them of how they had cornered her in a room. Then how she tricked him and trapped everyone else in a steel cage. Cid, Rude, and Reno looked at them in silence. Cid stared with his mouth open and a cigarette dangling from it as if he heard something he didn't believe.

"I can't believe…"

"Yeah I can't believe she had a booby trap either, so now you know we need to hurry up and find…"

"…how fucking stupid you are!" Cid interrupted and began to laugh with the rest of the table. "You are a dumb ass!"

"Hah, he is a dumb ass!" said Rude.

"Hah, Rude called you dumb ass, that's even funnier!" said Cid tearing up from laughing.

"Hey, you washed up, piece of drunk shit! We need you we need to find our materia. She said she hid it, we need to get to it before she does."

"We have materia, the only materia we need. Reno gave it to me."

"Really what the hell is it?" asked Cloud puzzled.

"Its drinking materia, see take a look."

"Prevents hangovers, I don't have time for this!"

"And don't worry, by tonight I will have mastered that thing twenty times over, so everyone can have one. You probably need two with your skinny ass!"

"Ohhh burn!" said Reno.

"You know it!" said Rude.

"Man these guys are wasted…come on lets go. Hey Vincent I said lets go." Vincent stood there staring at the uniforms of the Turks. Memories started flowing into his mind as he traveled 30 years into the past, when he first put it on. "I think I'll stay," said Vincent coolly.

"That's what I'm talking about, take a seat Vinny, the more the merrier, wanna join Tifa. Hey, Tifa how about you sit next to me."

"Umm…I don't think so Cid, you're a little to a…"

"Old," said Rude.

"Hah, yeah your right Rude, way to young for a beauty like Tifa. How about it tuts, why don't you join us just like in the old days in Seventh Heaven."

"That was before you were in Shirina."

"You guys work for Shirina! I can't believe it!" said Cid shocked.

"Yes, Cid. You have been drinking with the enem…"

"Really! So did I, well sort of. Those guys suck ass! They took my rocket program from me, you know that fat ass in charge of Space Programs Palmer. What a fucking wide load!"

"Yeah he is a fat ass," said Rude.

"What the…What the hell! I don't understand any of you! Sephiroth.."

"Will you get off Sephiroth! Who cares!" said Cid. "Hey Vin, what did you want to drink?"

"I'll have a Scotch and Soda," said Vincent calmly. "So you guys are Turks huh?"

"Cid! We can not spend all day…" yelled Cloud.

"Yeah we're the Turks who the hell are you? Aww shit I think my head hurts…" said Reno.

"No we can't because it is night right now, beside you know she is here, and knowing is…ahhh…half the battle, yeah that's how it goes. Damn those G.I Joe's knew their shit right!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" yelled Cloud.

"Listen Cloud, lets re attach our balls and become fuckin men here, except you Tifa, don't turn into a man…"

"You are way too drunk Cid, I think…" Tifa said a little amused by Cid's ranting.

"What woman! I'm as sober as a bird!"

"Yeah a bird that has been drinking all day," said Cloud in a caustic tone.

"A bird that can kick yo ass!" challenged Cid.

"Bring it old man!"

"Oh it has been brought!"

"Cloud stop!" yelled Tifa.

"Yeh you crackers shut that shit up now! We both know I can kick both yo asses! Yo, Cloud its dark already I say we just chill and kick it here fo da night," said Barret. He was standing there, tapping his gun arm temper mentally. He had the mad dog stare that most intimating men have mastered in their lives. Both the enraged men slowly moved back into calm composures as Barret stood there. Cloud had an annoyed look on his face. Tifa was by his side putting her hands on his arm making sure he didn't blow his top. The other occupants of the table just looked calmly through the ordeal. Then when it was over they simply went back to their conversation, sipping their drinks to keep the buzz going.

"I used to be a Turk," said Vincent simply, breaking the silence.

"Yeah that's right Cloud! Barret got my back right dawg! That's right only big dogs allowed in dis house anywaz biatch," said Cid as he tried to remember through his drunken haze the ghetto trash talking crash courses Barret taught him when they were bored.

"Man shut up white boy, you know you are too drunk to talk any mess," said Barret, also thinking Cid's ranting were amusing.

"Whatever G, I been knowin I be da man, so shut yo grill bizatch!"

"What you say!" said Barret.

"Nothing man, What you talking about Barret. I'm just drunk remember, hey Cloud where you going?"

"No shit, you used to be a Turk, really!?! When, I don't remember seeing you during training?" asked Reno ignoring Cid and the others and focused, with Rude, on what Vincent just said.

"I'm fucking leaving your ass, I'm gonna look for Yuffie," said Cloud.

"I was one thirty years ago, when it was first formed," said Vincent.

"Fine go, I don't care, hey Barret wanna drink, its on Cloud," said Cid.

"Thirty years ago, what are you talking about?" asked Reno intrigued.

"Yes thirty years ago, it's a long story…"

"Yeah a looooooooong story, like almost too fucking long, like really fucking looong, like as long as my peni…" said Cid.

"Cid!" exclaimed Tifa. She knew Cid was a blunt guy, but even though she couldn't get used to it.

"Oh, I mean to say as long as… man forget it, hey Barret what you want?"

Vincent continued to tell his story to Rude and Reno as they looked at him with awe. They have never met anyone else that was in the Turks, except the people that trained them. They weren't all about telling stories though, and they were all gone now. Cid was busy trying to persuade Barret to stay. And Cloud walked outside into the night angrily. Tifa followed along with the rest of the group. Now the merry group gained two characters to their part, Barret and Vincent.


	3. The More the Merrier

Ch. 3 More the Merrier

"Who the hell does that old man think he is!? He takes half my damn party and then spends half my damn gil on booze!" yelled Cloud extremely irate. The cold air was cold and bitter in Wutai. As he walked away from the Turtle Inn, he could hear a multitude of laughter coming from there. He grimaced as he heard them and turned sharply towards Tifa who was looking toward the inn smiling.

"So I suppose you want to join them too, huh?" asked Cloud harshly.

"You know Cloud, he is just trying to have a good time, this journey has been stressful for everyone."

"What the hell!! Is everyone only concerned about having a good time!"

"Well, think about it Cloud, we haven't had a lot of good times lately, have we?" Cloud looked into her ruby eyes and remembered their trip to their hometown. Their discovery that everything was replaced as if the memory was a dream, even though it felt like one. So many damn bad memories. That is why I have to find Sephiroth so I can…so I can what?

"Tifa…"

"Listen Cloud, maybe we should go in there."

"No! Absolutely not, we are going…"

"Look Cloud, lets just have a good time, Yuffie will still be here in the morning, she has nowhere else to go or any means to get anywhere else. We still have the boat Bronco tied up at the other side of the island. We should have a little fun, come on. Please, don't make me beg."

"NO! AND THAT IS FINAL!" shouted Cloud so loud that it echoed throughout the whole town making dogs bark throughout the once quiet town. Tifa looked shocked at him, taken by surprise by his volume. Cloud gave her a glare that seemed to say, 'choose, me or them.' Tifa buckled under the gaze and looked down to the floor.

"Alright Cloud, your right…" Tifa said meekly.

"Alright, well lets go look some more," still very irate. The group walked with a somber step as each group member thought about their choice to stay and whether it was the right choice. But they figured they came this far and didn't want to turn back now. They stepped off slowly into the night. The lights of the inn started to fade and soon they were on the hunt again.

Back at the inn, two conversations were going on. One with Barret and Cid, the other between the Turks and Vincent. The mood was cherry and light.

"Man, this is one hell of a sausage party…why the hell did Cloud take all the chicks with em, huh! Tifa was just about to sit down and fall in love with me! But no she got that blond weenie on the brain!" said Cid getting a little irritated as their was no visible woman in the joint.

"Shut the hell up white boy, the way you bitch you make it sound as if there was a chick here. Besides you ain't got no chance wid Tifa," said Barret.

"So what was your training like? I mean did you have to go through basic first or what?" asked Reno as he stared at Vincent. They started comparing and contrasting on their experiences and Reno and Rude viewed Vincent as the old war hero. They sat there wide eyed like kids as he answered.

"Well, things were different then, the company didn't have the army division back then. The Turks were the main police force and acted as a sort of security staff. I was in the squadron that protected VIP's in the company, thus I was assigned to the Shinra mansion. Our training was tough, but most of us were mercenaries to begin with so we were used to it…" Vincent continued with his story that flowed at as he stared at his drink.

"Look at him Barret, like a damn war hero, hey dip shit! I was in a war! An ace no doubt, and you better believe a pimp too!"

"Man, you ain't no pimp, an nobody wanna hear your tired ass war stories when you fought when da dinosaurs roamed around and shit."

"Don't hate the game, hate the player jack ass!"

"You reversed it foo'! Didn't you learn anything from those lessons! Don't hate the player!"

"My bad, my bad. Who gives a shit. Just stop hating just cause I got more ass then a toliet seat."

"Ha! You say some funny shit white boy! Toilet seat…haha…that's some funny shit. But it is bull shit." Some time passed as Barret and Cid swapped insults and Vincent was telling his drawn out story about his past. Eventually some silence fell upon Cid and Barret and Cid's drunken thoughts went to Cloud.

"So what's up with Cloud I mean he's been in a bad mode all fucking day."

"Man his materia got stolen ya know. If someone jacked my shit I would be fucking pissed too, shit."

"I got the drinking materia for h…"

"Man put dat shit away! No body want no drinking materia, it probably don't even work. Shit you got it from these asses anyway, its probably a trap or some shit," said Barret said lowly, glaring at the Turks. He was very aware of their presence and still didn't trust them. He knew they worked for Shinra, and he hated anything connected to them by default. But he had to admit, that these guys were different.

"Who them, they ain't bad. Who gives a fuck if they work for the other side. They offered to go half and half on these drinks so shit they okay in my book."

"Man, if Sephiroth himself paid fo' your shit fo' you he'd be awight in you book and shit," laughed Barret.

"Well, it would have to be a lot. But these guys are alright, I mean Vinny doesn't give a shit about them, and he used to work for them too. So stop busting their balls like a bitch!"  
"Yeah I suppose you right, or might be cuz I'm drunk off dis shit," Barret said as he pointed to his beer.

"Man you two beer queer. You fucked up already, man does everyone in the whole crew not know how to take a fucking drink! I mean I can drink any asshole under the tab…" Just then an attractive blond walked across their table and toward the bar. She had a sleek red dress on that fit snuggly on her body, lengthy legs, short blond hair that seemed to float, and bounce upon her feminine shoulders. "…damn she fine…look at that rack."

"Who you talkin ab…damn! She fine!" Barret said as he turned around.

"Hey Vinny, check out this babe!" Cid said as he hit Vincent's shoulder interrupting his story and making him irritated.

"Cid, I don't want to look at one of your two bit floozy…well she is quite attractive."

"Wow," Reno said. Rude stared and actually lowered his sunglasses to see if she was real.

"I saw her first fuckers! She's mine!" Cid exclaimed as he dashed out of his chair and started to head his way over to the bar. His booze confidence meter was full, which is a dangerous position to be in, especially for Cid. He drunkenly strutted up there, trying to pimp walk, but he was so drunk it came off more like a limp then anything. He sat down heavily on the stool next to her and turned around and gave the table he departed a thumbs up.

Reno returned his thumbs up while turning to Rude and saying, "500 gil says that the chick will slap him in the next five minutes."

"That ain't a fair bet. I say he won't last a minute."

"I'll bet to that, yo uhhh Barret was it, you want in on this pool."

Barret stared at them for a second trying to decide whether he should be friendly with them or not. Fuck it, I'm buzzin. "Yeah get me on dat shit, he won't last a minute." 

What about you Mr. Valentine, do you want in?" asked Reno

"Whats with dis Mr. Shit!? Shit, Mr. Vincent, now dats funny, haha…"

"I'm sure Cid will last longer then a couple of minutes, he's not that bad with woman."

"What! Damn Vincent, you trippin…he won't last thirty seconds, haha I can't wait for dis." They all grinned and continued to drink, starring at Cid across the room.

"Yo man, give me a shot of ahhh something sophisticated. Fuc..I mean scre..I mean forget that. Get me a Martini, shaken not stirred," Cid said as he looked at the blond while he raised one eyebrow awkwardly trying to emulate James Bond.

"Yo babe, I'm a pilot. Name's Cid, best in the sky."

"Must be an empty sky," said the blond dryly. She was used to every drunk tourist trying to hit on her and she had become quite apt at smart remarks. Cid stared at her drunkingly as all the processers in his brain tried to analyze what she just said. "Thanks babe, yeah it would be a dangerous sky cause they are afraid, because I'm dangerous," Cid misinterpreted. "So I didn't catch your name."

"That's because I didn't throw it."

Damn winch! Trying to play hard to get I see, just like that other blond uhhhh whatever her name was. "We'll see…so how about I buy you a drink?"

"I guess, a Cosmo Cosmopolitan."

"Yo, let me get a cosmo, uhhh…" Cid started to dig in his pocket and pulled out lint. Damn! Maybe I shouldn't have ordered that triple order of Vodka…stay calm Cid! You can pull through this, think of something…uhhhh…maybe, naw that wouldn't work. Oh I know!

"Hey babe I'm alittle shot so how about I borrow som.."

"Forget it," she sighed heavily and started to get up.

"Hey wait up you cheap winch!," said Cid instinctively.

"What did you call me!"

"Uhhh I said can I borrow a wrench! Yeah a wrench so I can tune up my plane, hey what are you..!" She dumped her drink on him and smacked him hard across the cheek. Cid just fell off his stool and turned as he heard a roar of laughter coming from his table.

"Damn! You just got bitch slapped! Hahahah!," Barret roared over the laughter.

"Smooth Romeo!," mocked Reno.

Rude just gave him a thumbs up and shook his head grinning from ear to ear. Cid stood up and flicked them off, walking over his ego bruised, but nothing a couple of shots on Cloud wouldn't fix.

"She was a lesbian anyway…probably from Turkey, I hear they are a lot of homos there in Turkey, huh Reno?"

"How the fuck should I know, I ain't from there dumb ass. Well you could have lasted alittle longer, now I owe Barret 500." He hands Barret the gil in a bundle.

"You Barret, since I knew you guys was betting, and that is why I screwed up like that, how about you buy me another triple. Since you know it took all my skill to turn my suave off so she wouldn't do me right there!" Cid said with a big grin.

"Man shut your "suave" ass up. I already paid for yo ass already, besides you be swimming in alcohol already wid dat drink she poured on your ass. Yeah why don't you just ring out you scarf and drink that…hehehe"

"May be I will," Cid thought, naw there probably isn't a lot in there anyway.

"Hey Rude, she's still there. I wonder whats up? You would think she would never come here again after meeting Cid the pilot."

"Better then meeting Reno, the Turkey boy," muttered Cid. Man, no money equals no booze. I never liked math. Shit, how am I gonna get some money. I need a sugar mama. I do I get one of those? Maybe I should go find Cloud and get some gil. He owes me for…something. He could sort of be a sugar mama, a blond sugar whinning, cross dressing, sugar mama.

"Hey Cid, where is yo drunk as going?" asked Barret.

"I'm gonna find Cloud and get some more cash."

"Man, yo drunk ass will get your ass kicked by some little kid or dog if you go out der. Just sit here and shut up."

"What, me, El Cid! Are you kidding! The second they see these guns, they will run away, fuck y'all I'm outta here!" He stumbled up and slowly walked, holding his head along the way toward the exit.

"Maybe we should go after him?" asked Vincent, just about the only one close to sober at the table.

"Naww, he be alwright, I mean its El Cid, remember," Barret said while chuckling.

"Yeah screw it, so Mr. Vincent, tell us more about your first job," said Reno as he saw El Cid walk out and pretty sure that would be the last time he would see him, well at least till he found out what hospital he would be checked in. He turned with the rest of the table towards Vincent as he continued his story.


	4. Sugar Mama

Ch. 4 Sugar Mama

"Man, that guy is crazy…" Barret said.

"Who Cid? I don't think he is that crazy," said Vincent perplexed.

"Are you kidding dawg! That cracker is crazy! Remember the time that he tried to steal your mechanical arm and pawn it because he ran out of cigarettes!"

"He didn't! Did he Mr. Vincent?" asked Reno shocked.

"Yes he did, very unsuccessfully…" Vincent remembered how Cid had tried to unscrew it while he was sleeping, unaware that it was wired and integrated with his muscles and nerves. He laughed silently as he caught him and Cid pretended that he was buffing it for him. "Yes, I woke up in the middle of his operation and he tried to pull it off like he was buffing it. He chuckled alittle, being affected by the liquor.

"See, crazy, the craziest bastard I know, fo sure."

"Why do you hang out with him then Mr. Vincent, a guy of your stature shouldn't be around guys like Cid," said Reno seriously.

"Well, why did you guys drink with him?" asked Vincent.

"You got a point there, I don't know he offered to pay, and there is just an old spark to the geezer."

"Its just fun having a crazy old bum ass like em around dats all."

"I agree completely," said Vincent. Reno and Rude nodded in agreement. "I hope he is alright by himself out there…"

"He should be fine, sir. So continue with your story, you were saying about the gun they issued you…"

Meanwhile El Cid was facing his most dangerous foe ever. Their teamwork to disable his weakened motor skills were overpowering him to a slow drunk crawl. These foes were gravity and his evil partner balance.

"Man, balance is a mother fucker! Alright, I need two things. Money and a sugar mama. And a cig." He pulled one out while slumping against a wall. He lit at it and puffed at it starring into the sky drunkenly. Nice stars, alittle to bright though…ughhh, my head hurts…where they hell is that sugar mama, or Cloud, I'll settle for him.

Suddenly, a dog barked as some shadow ran into some trash cans knocking them over. Cid stumbled up, grabbing a stick on his way up.

"Hey! Who's there! Don't make me kick yo'ass! Cloud? Tifa? Hey!"

"Its me Cid! Put that stick down before you kill yourself," said a scrawny young girl. It was Yuffie trying to hide from Cloud. She slowly walked up to Cid believing she was caught.

"Is that you…"

"Yes its me Yuf…"

"Ms. Sugar Mama! I knew you would come, just in time too, I'm low on gil and booze!"

"Gawd Cid, you reek! You smell like grandpa…ewww, don't come near me!"

"Hey don't worry Ms. Sugar Mama, I'll just get my gil and leave."

"Cid, what are you talking about! It's me Yuffie! I stole your materia! Remember!"

"Uhhh…Oh Yeah! So you gonna give me gil now?"

"What is with you!? Hey wait a minute…are you drunk? You are huh! Hah, I knew something was funny!"

"Drunk, what the hell you talkin about, I'm as sober as a bird, hey you gonna give me some sugar or what…"

"Ewww, that's disgusting, I feel like hurling…"

"Hey do you know Mother Goose too, I mean you are a mom too, sort of. If you do, get her to make Tifa fall in love with me, I mean she is already, she just hasn't realized it yet…oh man, I don't feel so good." Cid immediately hunched over his knees and let out a huge stream of vomit. Yuffie had never seen such a site. It was a stream of clear liquid that came out of Cid's mouth that seemed to never end.

"Wow, it kind of looks like a water fall…hey its coming over here! Cid stop throwing up, your gonna make me sick too…huhhh I don't feel so good now." Yuffie immediately hunched over her knees and let out a huge stream of vomit. Two waterfalls were streaming now, almost flooding the street. The commotion woke up the street and a multitude of dogs were barking in the distance.

Finally their collective vomit created a new lake in the street and their stomach contents were in front of their eyes.

"Hey, I didn't have meatballs today…and why is all yours this stinky white liquid?" asked Yuffie in between breaths. Cid was laying down at the side walk next to her moaning. Oh my God, that sucked. Oh man, my stomachs all in knots now…ughhh where am I, whats going on. Oh Yeah! I just met the sugar mama.

"Hey sugar mama, I kind of need water more then booze now, but I'll settle for booze too."

"Cid, what are ya talking about! What is this sugar mama!?"

"Listen winch you gonna give me gil or what, I'm El Cid alright, and I demand tribute!"

"I didn't know you were Spanish …"

With the expulsion of booze from his stomach and the constant flow of liquor interrupted, Cid was finally regaining some common sense for the first time in the night. He sat up recognizing the voice and stared at the young adolescent that was in front of him. Alright brain, I know you know this person, so why don't you just tell me. Lets see here, kaki shorts, big white glove thing, big throwing thing tied to a backpack. Ughhh, is it a sugar mama…no! Its Yuffie!

"Yuffie is that you?"

"Wow! I thought you went crazy there for a second ." No wait a minute, there is something I should remember about Yuffie…she did something. What? Come on brain tell me damn it! I know I'll just ask her!

"Hey Yuffie, did you ahhh do something recently that I should give a crap about?" Yuffie stared at him blankly for a second. Wait a minute, he must be so drunk that he doesn't remember! What a dork!

"Uhh no Cid, nothing. Hey I'm gonna go back now."

"Back where?"

"To ughhh the in we are staying at, over there," she said pointing down in a random direction. Cid's head pounded as the familiar symptoms of a hangover started to take effect.

"Alright, ohh shit..I'm gonna lie here and uhhh lie here."

"Alright Cid see you later!" Yuffie said as she slowly got up, not believing how easy it was for her to get away. First I tricked Cloud and now Cid! Wow, these guys really are dorks. She started to walk down when she heard Cid yell something at her.

"Hey wait! You got my materia!" Busted, man it couldn't have been that easy…

"Add this materia to it so I don't forget, it's ahhh "not get sick" materia," Cid said not wanting to explain to her what a hangover was. Yuffie was again dumb founded. She gladly walked over and snatched the materia from his hand as Cid layed back down on the concrete floor. Wow! New materia! And its, drinking materia, prevents hangovers huh. It must be broken or something, well who cares its materia. She ran off into the night disappearing from sight.

Cid continued to lay there staring up at the night sky. He was still drunk, but he was definitely coming down. And he just hit a bump on the roller coaster. A big bump. As he laid there with his head pounding he saw a tall figure standing over him. If this isn't the sugar mama I'm gonna be pissed.

"Just beautiful," muttered Cloud. Tifa was standing next to him, avoiding the pool of vomit.

"Cid, are you alright?" she asked.

"I figured we would find you in the gutter after awhile."

"Hey are you the sugar mama? Oh its just you Cloud. Damn I've been looking for a sugar mama, have you seen her, I'm outta gil."

"So your still wasted, where the hell are the others."

"How the hell should I know! I ain't their damn mother!"

"Come on Cid, lets get you up and get you fixed up," said Tifa tenderly, used to having take care of drunks at her bar back at Midgar.

"I can't believe this, a whole night wasted and Yuffie is still out there somewhere."

"She said she went to the hotel…uhhh…hey Tifa do you know where I can find a sugar mama?"

"Will you shut the hell up about sugar mamas! You found Yuffie!"

"Yeah, but I didn't know she was lost, she was here a second ago…"

"You complete dumbass! That is the whole fucking reason we are here! She stole our materia!"

"I knew it was some shit I forgot, now I remember…damn maybe we should go look for her, awww wait, man my head is pounding …"

"Cid I'm gonna kill you!" Cloud said as he reached for his sword. Tifa got in the middle of the two men and looked at Cloud with daring eyes that said I dare you. Cloud withdrew and give an angry sneer and turned away. She had stuck by Cloud, despite wanting to do the exact opposite that he wanted to do. Her legs and feet hurt and they swept this city over and over again with no rest. The rest of the group went to the hotel, despite Cloud's objection. He stormed off and Tifa followed after him, not wanting to leave his side. But now she was sick of it and wanted to go to the bar. Now if only he would get his head out of his ass and realize how ridiculous he is being and see that I want to go. Maybe he'll go if I ask him.

"Alright, lets get you fixed up Cid, Cloud it is already 1 AM. I'm going back to the bar. Are you coming or what." Cloud still kept his back to her. She was burning inside, afraid that he was going to walk away. If that happens, I don't know what I would do. Cloud began to step forward and Tifa felt her heart tear to pieces. But he stopped and put his head down. He turned around, and muttered, "Yeah alright."

"Good, help me with Cid," she said trying to hide her relief and joy. He helped Tifa prop Cid up as they walked back towards the bar.


	5. Drunken Philosophy

Ch. 5 Drunken philosophy

"You know this is what it is all about, helping each other…you know this is great…hey Cloud how about you pick up the slack, my foot is dragging on the floor. Any way this is what it is all about, hel…" Cid mumbled on drunkenly.

"We know you said it like five times," Tifa interrupted. "We are almost at the bar, then we will get you a nice glass of non alcoholic water and fix you up."

"The only water I am drinking is Scotch and water and what do you mean fix me up, like are you trying to hit on me Tifa, I thought you had a thing for Cloud?" said Cid completely forgetting about Cloud's presence right next to him.

"What are you talking about Cid," Tifa said timidly as she looked over at Cloud to gauge his reaction. Cloud didn't pay attention to Cid's ranting. She exhaled in relief; why couldn't she just get the courage and fess up to him. She was always shy about loving him, it was just more comfortable to not tell him and possibly get rejected. There would be no way she could handle that blow.

"I'm talking about you having the hots for…owww what the hell you hit me for winch! Why I ought to…OWW! Damn! Sorry, I'll just shut up and throw up, make way!" Cid said as another waterfall of liquid came out of his mouth.

"This is bullshit. I say we just leave him to die," Cloud said

"Cloud, stop it and help me carry him."

He reluctantly slings Cid's arm over his shoulder and begins to drag him again. The rest of the way to the bar is eerily quiet as Cid seemed to pass out. He just stumbled his feet forward and with a dumb, sleepy expression on his face. Cloud just stared. Tifa caught herself looking at his serious face and blushing at how handsome it was. If Cid's drunk ass wasn't between us, this would actually be nice. We are never alone, and there is Aerith too…sometimes I just don't know. Would telling him tonight be a good idea? Maybe I should just get drunk and let it slip; lord knows Cid probably let it slip a hundred times already. I just don't know.

Tifa is lost in thought as they walk up to the entrance of the bar. Vincent is still talking to Reno and Rude. They both look to him like a hero and are hanging on his every word. Tifa laughs as she thinks about the mighty Turks cowed by Vincent of all people. Barret was singing an old miners tone to himself alone at the bar. The bar tender was washing a dirty mug at the opposite end when he spotted them and immediately made a glass of water noticing Cid's state. Tifa lugged Cid to the bar and had to immediately stop Cloud from running over to the table that Reno and Rude were sitting at. She pointed to a stool by the bar and ordered him a drink and told him to calm down. He just looked down and wore this frustrated look on his face.

How cute, she thought warmly. He is trying to look annoyed when he knows I am right. She sat by Barret and forced Cid into the chair next to her. She ordered a beer for herself and a coffee for Cid. Barret ordered a beer with hers and turned towards her.

"So your takin care of this bum, you were always the mums of da group, can't argue with dat. I remember you takin care of me when I was wasted back at Seventh Heaven. Man I miss that place. Damn, nothing like a couple of beers to make ya a little sad huh?" Barret said softly.

"Yeah I know what you mean, here Cid drink this and stop spilling it all over yourself."

"Alright mom…damn, women, always busting my balls. Shera used to give me the same garbage when I was coming down. Just leave me the hell alone and make me a damn sandwich that's how to sober me up."

"Fine," Tifa said as she started to get up.

"Are you making me my sandwich?" Tifa just flicked Cid off with her middle finger.

"That would work to sweetheart," said Cid smiling.

"You probably have whisky dick right about now," Tifa said. She knew how to come back at all sorts of drunks, especially ones like Cid. In fact she kind of enjoyed showing them up and showing how a girl can kick a guy's ass, both verbally and physically.

Cid smiled, he always liked Tifa. Not only was she attractive, she wasn't like one of the girly girls he hated. She was a girl you could have a beer with and could hang out with the guys and go neck to neck with them on anything they tried. Most of time those type of girls would come out on top too. But Cid could never get one of those girls no matter how hard he tried. They all feel in love with moody assholes like that guy Cloud over there.

"First of all it's Vodka dick in this case, and second of all you couldn't handle it babe."

"Whatever you say asshole. Now drink your coffee before I make you wear it," Tifa said as she pretended to be pissed off. Cid looked down at his coffee quietly and took a sip of it. He sat there quietly humming an old pilot's tune as he tried to get rid of his headache. The best thing to do when they are drinking their coffee is to leave them alone, otherwise they will think you are hitting on them and try to start drinking again. Tifa always wanted them to think they pissed her off and get embarrassed. This would want them to get sober in an effort to make amends. It was working like a charm on Cid, just like it did for hundreds of other customers.

She strolled over and sat between Barret and Cloud, pretending not to be so in love with Cloud. She turned to Barret and smiled remembering those days at Seventh Heaven. Man did I love that place. It was always cheerful, no matter how bad things got…now its gone. Nothing like a couple of beers to make you said.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

"I don't know…just missing the good old times, I just wish they could go back to the way they were, everything is so sad and serious most of the time, you know what I mean?"

"Yeh, sort of, I remember back in dem mines, couldn't get through da day without cracking a joke or two, hell dat was kept me goin, now a days, its just go here, fight dem, and go there. Sometimes I wonder if we going da right way half da time. But we never slow down to realize it."

"Do you still know why you are doing this?"

"Yeah, I guess. Mostly so Marlene has a place to grow up. Besides dat, I don't know, we just chase dat asshole all day. It seem like we just do what Cloud say most da time, don't even question it. Except for times like dis. I try not to think about it though; I just hope things work out in the end."

Barret summed up Tifa's anxieties almost perfectly. She really didn't agree with the group's direction, all they did was go on this obsessive wild goose chase that Cloud forces on the group. We have lost so much already, there is still a lot to lose. Tifa didn't know if she could leave the group, but she felt she was sacrificing a lot to the group for a course she didn't really believe in. She heard other members grumble about this at well when they were resting. But Cloud always shot suggestions down. She was surprised that he let everyone stay here without much of a fight. She didn't know f she stuck with it because she was afraid of losing cloud, or if she was like Barret and hoped it would be okay in the end. Tifa hadn't been this lost since the time she found Cloud laying at the train steps over a year ago.

"But I don't like to spoil rest times like dis wid thoughts like dat."

"Yeah, I know what you mean; a break like this is nice every once in awhile. It lets you think. I just wish he would realize that."

"Who dat spiky ass punk…hah, all business wid dat guy most da time, I don't see what you see in em."

"What do you mean…I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure…anyway I miss the good old days too, here's to Seventh Heaven!"

"Here's to Seventh Heaven!"

"And here's to givin the captain some lovin…"

"Man sit yo drunk old ass back in the stool before it's up yo ass!"

"Screw you Barret! I'm the boss of fucking me, not you…"

"Cid sit down before I leave you here!" screamed Tifa

"Yes Maam," mumbled Cid as he returned to his coffee.

A bunch of up tight bitches if you ask me, which no one does. If they did they get all the fucking answers in the universe! Hell, I'm the eldest here, so by default I am the wisest. Whatever, I just better drink this coffee and not piss of Tifa and I might get lucky tonight. Hah! Yeah right, she is so in love with Mr. I'm so moody because I have a mysterious past and some weird fetish about chasing tall men in dark capes named Sephiroth across the world. Not only that, he drags my ass with him.

Cid knew he volunteered to join the group, no matter how much he griped he still enjoyed the adventure. Anything was better then sitting in that dead town rotting away. Cid looked down grumpily at his coffee, this coffee sucks, it would be better with some whiskey.

"He bar keep, some whiskey for" and suddenly Tifa sits next to him," not me, but some other chap because I am learning the errors of my ways."

"Cid…can I ask you a question, why did you decide to join us?"

Cid wasn't nearly as drunk as he was in the earlier part of the night. He had thought about this question long and hard when he first made his spontaneous decision when his baby the Tiny Bronco was degraded to a boat. My baby, turned into a fucking boat, a fucking floater! He would sit at hotels and drag a cigarette for a long while why he joined.

"I joined because…."

Next Chapter: Why Cid joined!


End file.
